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1. You're out of town and you stop and ask someone where there is a drive-thru daiquiri place, and they look at you like you have three heads. 2. You have a parade ladder in your shed. 3. Your first sentence was "Throw me something mistah" and your first drink was from a go-cup. 4. You wonder what Anne Rice has against a building that looks like a Mardi Gras float. 5. You have a special set of grungy, well-broken-in-shoes you refer to as your "French Quarter Shoes." 6. Every so often, you have waterfront property. 7. Your last name isn't pronounced the way it's spelled. 8. You know what a nutria is but you still pick it to represent your baseball team. 9. You have spent a summer afternoon on the Lake Pontchartrain seawall catching blue crabs. 10. You watch a movie filmed in New Orleans and say things like "Dere ain't no way dey can run outa a cemetery right on to Bourbon Street." 11. You describe a color as "K&B Purple." 12. You like your rice and your politics dirty. 13. You have a monogrammed go-cup. 14. The four seasons in your year are crawfish, shrimp, crab, and King Cake. 15. You greet people with "Howzhyamom'an'em?" and hear back "Deys fine, dawlin'!" 16. Someone asks for an address by compass directions and you say it's uptown, downtown, backatown, riverside or lakeside. 17. Your burial plot is six feet over rather than six feet under. 18. You can pronounce Tchoupitoulas but can't spell it. 19 You consider a Bloody Mary a light breakfast. 20. The major topics of conversation when you go out to eat are restaurant meals that you have had in the past and restaurant meals that you plan to have in the future. 21. You judge a po-boy by the number of napkins needed. 22. You always order your po-boy "dressed." 23. The waitress at your local sandwich shop tells you a fried erster po-boy dressed is healthier than a Caesar salad. 24. You read #21-23 without wondering what's a po-boy, and what does it have to do with being "dressed." 25. You can eat Popeye's, Haydel's and Zapp's for lunch and wash it down with a couple Barq's and several Abitas, without losing it all on your stoop. 26. The smell of a crawfish boil turns you on more than Chanel #5. 27. You wrench your hands in the zinc with an onion bar to get the crawfish smell off. 28. You're not afraid when someone wants to ax you something. 29. You used to walk the banquette to the corner so you could cross the neutral ground to make groceries at Schwegmann's. 30. You go by ya mom'an'ems on Good Friday for family supper. 31. You find out in high school that Mardi Gras is not a national holiday. 32. You leave a parade with footprints on your hands. 33. You believe that purple, green and gold look good together - you will even eat things those colors. 34. You think it's perfectly normal to suck the heads and eat the tails. Author Unknown
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